I once wrote a column surveying some of the challenges experienced by women in blended families. I pondered celebrating step-moms with a t-shirt with an "S" on the chest, but rejected the idea, fearing the perception that I'd labeled myself "Super-Mom". In what became an after-dinner tradition, I held a reading of the final draft for family approval, before submitting it to my editor. In a moment of extraordinary charm, my first grader offered to get me a shirt with an "O" on the chest. I paused, pondered, and with great anticipation inquired, "An O?" He proudly explained, "An O... for Owesome-Mom!"
The truth is that I'm not like most of the other moms, or at least it feels that way to me. I don't mean that in a proud way, like I think I'm better than the others. I mean that when I used to wait in my mini-van in the car rider line at my children's elementary school, I wondered if I was invisible or perhaps worse, if I'd been abducted by aliens and if my particular torture was participation in a huge experiment of human identity crisis management. As I journeyed to the soccer field... it felt like the van must belong to someone else and like the conversation on the sidelines came from a movie script where I played a soccer mom, not even remotely resembling the real me... whom I was fairly certain I'd never met. Talk about vacations, schedules, home repairs took center stage, while I felt like there was no one to talk to about the things on my heart - human rights, destruction of the environment, how to balance my hopes and desires as a woman with the needs of my family. I was working tirelessly to get my degree from a local university and was harboring dreams of starting my own business. It felt like I didn't speak the same language as many of the women around me.
Then, in my academic world, there was little talk of family life, even among those who had children. Deeply committed to my connected parenting style, I worried about the emotional impact that the absence created by academic pursuits would have on my young children. While the feminists on campus struggled to figure out how to fight for equality in a post-bra-burning era, I searched for a world where a woman pursues her professional dreams without sacrificing the parenting that I strongly believed my children needed to thrive.
It's important to me that you understand something... I think moms are great. I believe that if every single woman who wants desperately to be at home raising her children were able to do that, the world would be a much better place. I feel profound admiration and respect for a woman who believes that her primary purpose, whether for a brief or more extended period of time, is to support and empower her children as a stay-at-home mom. I believe children need strong, consistent relationships with a primary attachment figure in order to grow up and be healthy, successful adults. Also, if every single woman who wants to work full-time outside her home were able to do so, while ensuring that her children's needs for strong, consistent connection with a primary attachment figure were met, the world would be a much better place.
The O-mom is the woman with children who wants to be there, in the home as much as possible, raising her children, but also dreams/hopes/desires to start a business, get an education, or in some other way make a difference in the world. It is my dream to empower those women, to help them find their truth and support them to in living in alignment with that truth. Through my own journey, I've learned to honor myself as a woman with multiple dreams - love, parenthood, health, career, creativity, etc. Now, my job is to open the doors of opportunity to other women, who want to live the dynamic and powerful life of their dreams.
A few weeks ago, I caught a few minutes of reality TV that really illustrated this "dilemma" for me. During an interview, an executive from a name brand laundry detergent manufacturer described their target audience as adult women. She clarified that they are not just moms, but women who may or may not have children, partners, and jobs.
I am a woman. I am a woman raising a pair of truly remarkable children. I am a woman who is completely and madly in love with her partner. I was born to empower women, and I use my gifts as a writer, teacher, and life coach to do that. I love to create and to learn. I lose sleep over injustice and the pain and oppression of other human beings. I marvel at, and usually cry, when I witness something extraordinary. I take beautiful photographs, and I love to dig in the dirt.
Is this kind of life complicated? Well, it can be, and that's why I didn't stop with being an O-Mom. I became a Life Coach... because I want to help other women play and win all of the big games in their heart.
