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After school yesterday, Seth (10) and Kira (8) were scheduled for long overdue haircut appointments. I forgot to pack a snack to counter their afternoon hunger pains, so we stopped at the new Dunkin Donuts. After what was certainly the longest pastry contemplation time in history, we settled back into the car, each child pleased with their respective donut of choice and a small jug of milk to share.
Conversation about their school day turned to plans for the evening, then to silent enjoyment of their snacks. Then it happens...the ALWAYS loaded, "Mom?" Kira's use of my title when preceded by silence and loaded with inquisition has become a source of both great joy and anxiety for me. As I recall, the earliest "Mom?" conversation occurred on a steaming hot afternoon in late July when she was five years old…
Conversation about their school day turned to plans for the evening, then to silent enjoyment of their snacks. Then it happens...the ALWAYS loaded, "Mom?" Kira's use of my title when preceded by silence and loaded with inquisition has become a source of both great joy and anxiety for me. As I recall, the earliest "Mom?" conversation occurred on a steaming hot afternoon in late July when she was five years old…
Her: Mom?
Me: Yes, Kira? (always my response)
Her: Is Santa Clause real?
Me: Yes, Kira? (always my response)
Her: Is Santa Clause real?
See what I mean? These are hard questions, always intense and always in the car. So, back to yesterday…
Her: Mom?
Me: Yes, Kira?
Her: I know milk comes from cows, but…like, how do they make it? I mean, do they just make it?
Me: (Pause) Well, Kira, do you know how when a mom has a baby and if she breastfeeds, her body makes milk? Actually, do you remember how every woman's body makes milk when she has a baby, and if they breastfeed their body just keeps making more milk for the baby?
Her: Yes.
Me: Well, cow's milk is what mama cows make for their babies. They have a baby, then milk comes, just like in humans and people use those machines to milk the cows so they keep making more milk.
Me: Yes, Kira?
Her: I know milk comes from cows, but…like, how do they make it? I mean, do they just make it?
Me: (Pause) Well, Kira, do you know how when a mom has a baby and if she breastfeeds, her body makes milk? Actually, do you remember how every woman's body makes milk when she has a baby, and if they breastfeed their body just keeps making more milk for the baby?
Her: Yes.
Me: Well, cow's milk is what mama cows make for their babies. They have a baby, then milk comes, just like in humans and people use those machines to milk the cows so they keep making more milk.
I looked in the rear-view mirror and oh my, the look on that child's face. I would give everything I own to go back and capture this look on film. I've never seen it before. It's not the "yuck" face or even the disbelief face or even the dreaded "you are the worst mother in the world" face. I swear her face said, "What the fuck is wrong with you people?"
I realize this is an extreme assumption for me to make about the thought process of an eight year old child, but I promise I have no doubt that is exactly what Kira thought. She was appalled, no mortified, not only that she was drinking a baby cow's breast milk but that I would give it to her knowing where it came from. I'm sure some part of her even felt disappointed with the farmers who produce it and our society as a whole for continuing to support such an obviously insane concept, humans drinking the sacred mama milk of baby cows.
I realize this is an extreme assumption for me to make about the thought process of an eight year old child, but I promise I have no doubt that is exactly what Kira thought. She was appalled, no mortified, not only that she was drinking a baby cow's breast milk but that I would give it to her knowing where it came from. I'm sure some part of her even felt disappointed with the farmers who produce it and our society as a whole for continuing to support such an obviously insane concept, humans drinking the sacred mama milk of baby cows.
Not long ago, we rescued a couple of baby chicks. They only lived here for a few days but we quickly came to love them. The day after our chicks moved on to a permanent home with their adoptive family, Kira put together that baby chicks grow up to be chickens, and that she eats chicken. I feel like this brief visit from our little chicks finally did me in for eating meat, but it was a long time coming and I've done it subtly. I'm very careful not to push my choices off on them. But, Kira was uncomfortable with it, and I knew it was simmering in there. Time will tell where she ends up on the issue. I suppose all I can do for now is answer her questions honestly and support her in whatever she finds herself contemplating next.*
*It took about a year from the "discovery" but Kira is, in fact, now a 10 year-old vegetarian.
*It took about a year from the "discovery" but Kira is, in fact, now a 10 year-old vegetarian.
