I'm not sure where these things even come from and the worst part is that I crack myself up. Last night, I saw this commercial for Disney Vacations.
The boy-child said, "Dude... that's awesome."
I'm a little ashamed to admit that my first impulse was to torture the children. My mental movie played in fast forward:
Scene 1: The children, the wife, and I are watching the commercial. For a couple of weeks, the children go on and on about the idea of us surprising them with a trip to Disney.
Scene 2: Nine months later, we wake them up before the crack of dawn, put them in the car, and drive for hours, refusing to answer questions about our destination. Finally, I make them put on blindfolds, arrive at the secret destination, get them out of the car, and just when they are certain it's going to reveal we've arrived for our super-secret Disney vacation, I announce that we're doing a 5 day spiritual retreat - lots of yoga and meditation, reading and writing. Oh, and it's a silent retreat. Their faces distort in just such a way, as to earn them new pet names... Shock and Awe.
Scene 3: Next, the movies flashes through a dozen or so scenarios where we employ the message-inside-a-pizza-box technique to announce exciting family news - "Haircuts for Everyone!" and "Laundry Day!" and "Sugar-Free September!" With each experience they grow more and more annoyed... eventually, it's so ridiculous that they start to have fun with the pizza box, too - "Soccer games all weekend!" and "Back to school shopping!"
Scene 4: We pack everyone up again, but this time only drive across town. It's a good couple of years into my twisted game, it's early in the morning, and they are not amused. Mom, this isn't funny anymore. You said it's not nice to tease.... Seriously Mom, I've got stuff to do. Can we just go home?
Standing in airport lobby, we invite them to remove the blindfolds and hand them a perfectly wrapped gift box.
Girl-child: Great, what's this? No, let me guess... an invitation to my graduation?
Boy-child: Tickets to a chess match?
Me: Go ahead, open it.
Boy-child: No wait... (to his sister) I bet it says we're going to Disney World.
They roll the eyes and laugh a little. Reluctantly, they unwrap into the box, open it up, and look inside
Of course, there are airline tickets for the four of us and a picture of Mickey Mouse.
Speechless. Frozen. Eyes darting from me to my wife and then each other.
Finally, we confirm.
They freak out.
Movie closes with this image:
Bwahahahahaha!!!
ReplyDeleteDid I ever tell you what we did to step-kids?
During a trip to Gulf Shores, kids had been whining for days
*use your best Polly Parrot voice*
"we want to go to Waterville"
"we want to go to Waterville"
"we want to go to Waterville"
Urgh - so we tell them to get ready, we have a big surprise. What's the worst thing you could ask two children under the age of 10 to do?
"We're going to drive to Pensacola (an hour away) to see an Antique Glass Show! Isn't that GREAT?"
They were both in tears when we loaded them in the car and drove to the freakin' water park.
I knew early on that you were easily as twisted as me. You were an O-Mom from the get go.
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